First their was Ponce De Leon. And Columbus. Now, there's my friend Shelley.
While wandering aimlessly around her house last night, she discovered something she had never seen before- a closet. One may wonder why such a large, obvious object had never gone noticed, especially given that Shelley has lived in her place for nearly a year.
But discovery has a certain prestige, and there is no use diminishing the power of new real estate. I am told the closet will be used to "store things"- a brilliant idea from Miss Shelley. I just hope she doesn't bring small pox to whoever currently lives there.
-Dave
Friday, August 28, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Sabotage
I got a really awkward look today at work. It was one of those looks that makes you check to see if your fly is open, or comb your hand across your head to see if someone put something in your hair. It was riddled with uncertainty and laced with disappointment and anger. It was a pretty powerful look.
And for the longest time, I couldn't figure out why the attorney had singled me out as the recipient of his burning gaze. I've been fairly productive this week- which is to say that I have completed all of the menial tasks that I have received and still managed to do atleast two crossword puzzles each day. I've been happy and excited too- I'm going to visit Madison this weekend for the first time in more than a year. And I've been looking pretty sharp- finally decided to shave and wear some of the shirts that I got for my birthday. Completely undeserving of awkward attention.
But then it hit me.
I left my book in plain view on my desk and the attorney had spotted it. This may not seem out of the ordinary, but in this place it is far from it...
Keep in mind that I work at a law firm that specializes in construction law. This means whenever there are disputes between developers, owners, contractors, subcontractors, vendors, and suppliers, our firm arrives on the scene to rake in some profit. And while many other sectors of the economy have slowed down, construction law has not- almost everyone is defaulting on their contracts or somehow offending the parties they are working for.
So when the attorney spotted the shiny cover of "The Monkey Wrench Gang" on my desk, he probably was taken aback.
For those of you unfamiliar with Edward Abbey and his most famous book, it basically tells the story of 4 unlikely partners who drive around the American West destroying roads, bridges, and construction equipment. The characters, like Abbey, are notoriously resentful of excessive development (or really any development for that matter) and band together with bolt cutters, wrenches, gas cans, and chainsaws to upend construction efforts. On the first page of the book, Abbey offers a brief definition of sabotage: "n. [Fr.< sabot, wooden shoe + -AGE: from damage done to machinery by sabots].
Might as well be reading the Communist Manifesto in Joseph McCarthy's office.
-Dave
And for the longest time, I couldn't figure out why the attorney had singled me out as the recipient of his burning gaze. I've been fairly productive this week- which is to say that I have completed all of the menial tasks that I have received and still managed to do atleast two crossword puzzles each day. I've been happy and excited too- I'm going to visit Madison this weekend for the first time in more than a year. And I've been looking pretty sharp- finally decided to shave and wear some of the shirts that I got for my birthday. Completely undeserving of awkward attention.
But then it hit me.
I left my book in plain view on my desk and the attorney had spotted it. This may not seem out of the ordinary, but in this place it is far from it...
Keep in mind that I work at a law firm that specializes in construction law. This means whenever there are disputes between developers, owners, contractors, subcontractors, vendors, and suppliers, our firm arrives on the scene to rake in some profit. And while many other sectors of the economy have slowed down, construction law has not- almost everyone is defaulting on their contracts or somehow offending the parties they are working for.
So when the attorney spotted the shiny cover of "The Monkey Wrench Gang" on my desk, he probably was taken aback.
For those of you unfamiliar with Edward Abbey and his most famous book, it basically tells the story of 4 unlikely partners who drive around the American West destroying roads, bridges, and construction equipment. The characters, like Abbey, are notoriously resentful of excessive development (or really any development for that matter) and band together with bolt cutters, wrenches, gas cans, and chainsaws to upend construction efforts. On the first page of the book, Abbey offers a brief definition of sabotage: "n. [Fr.< sabot, wooden shoe + -AGE: from damage done to machinery by sabots].
Might as well be reading the Communist Manifesto in Joseph McCarthy's office.
-Dave
Monday, August 17, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
SOCIALIST!!!
If you have been paying attention to the news lately, you’ve probably seen coverage of the healthcare town hall meetings that are taking the country by storm.
And that may not be such a bad idiom to use. Massive throngs of people, many of them elderly, are converging on auditoriums all over the country to make sure their opinions about healthcare reform are heard. The Congressmen who are hosting many of these town hall meetings are being greeted with boos, screams, enraged accusations, and the deafening hum of oxygen machines. Many of these gatherings have been less than civil, with frequent outbursts of anger stinking of regurgitated talking points from Fox News anchors and republican officials. In weather parlance, its been a perfect storm of misinformation, senility, and anger.
So when I got an email notifying me about a local town hall meeting with Democratic Congressman David Price, I knew I had to go.
The meeting was held in the stuffy auditorium on NC-Central University’s campus- a historically black college that I am quite certain has never seen so many old and white people parading around. My brother and I arrived an hour early and got decent seats about 100 feet from the stage. We scanned the audience to find potential trouble makers- the moustached man a few rows back with a US Marine Corps hat and a hand-written sign that read “Liberty or Death”, the white-haired gentleman in the center section scratching out notes on the back of an envelope, the motorcycle couple up front with matching mullets and tightly-crossed arms.
Apparently, lots of people had seen the news reports. The auditorium quickly filled to capacity and beyond, with camera flashes and video camera lights blinking in almost every row. Local news outlets and reporters were on the scene, yearning for a chance to capture someone shouting “socialist” or accusing Rep. Price of wanting to kill old people. The anticipation of conflict was certainly palpable.
In those types of situations, I am always tempted to do something rediculous and completely out of left field. But I decided to let other people do that for me.
The emcee of the event began the evening by asking everyone to rise and recite the pledge of allegiance. We then observed a moment of silence for those who “were unable to join us tonight.” Im assuming that he wasn’t referring to the millions of other Americans who were probably watching reruns of CSI on their couch. Either way, it was a little strange to bang the drums of patriotism and recite oaths just to talk about healthcare. Once everyone felt happy and tingly on the inside, we started.
The first outburst came about 4 minutes in. One of the speakers on the panel was talking about the absurdity that Bernie Madoff will be receiving healthcare in his jail cell courtesy of the US government, but that almost 50 million hard working Americans do not have access to the same resources.
“I came here to talk to my congressmen, not to be lectured by some mo-ron!”
Ironically, the disgruntled shouter stormed out of the building, despite the fact that Rep. Price was twiddling his thumbs queued up to speak next.
There were several more outbursts and boos as the evening went on- mostly reacting to the possibility of elderly people being marched out of their retirement homes to face a government-sponsored firing squad. But many of them were hushed and suppressed by the eloquence of Mr. Price and the other speakers on the panel (no, not a death panel). The folks who lined up on the yelling side of the aisle were drowned out by the other participants who actually had things to say. I suppose its pretty easy to get riled up watching Sean Hannity or Glen Beck yak about healthcare on tv, but much harder to translate these unintelligible sentence fragments when faced with an intelligent opposition.
My favorite outburst came towards the end of the evening, when another man with a moustache got behind the microphone and said: “I have three daughters, and I just am worried about America. I don’t want them to be raised in...have to pay debt, because socialism.”
It sounded like a direct translation from a Japanese video game. What the hell does any of that mean? Nouns and verbs and adjectives don’t fit together that way. And certainly no sort of meaning could be derived from that rubbish. But the funny thing is that other people nodded. Other people seemed concerned by what was troubling this man, and his words made sense to them.
Rep. Price stared blankly for a minute and then answered tersely: “I think we have a problem with definitions here.”
And we do. We have a problem with definitions, with information, with scope, and with meaning. We have completely lost sight of what the healthcare discussion is about, how it got to where it is, and what needs to happen. We let people think for us and act on our behalf that have no business doing so. We all need to go to a town hall meeting and listen to the David Prices of the world and see if his points are really refutable. And when we feel tempted to accuse someone of being a socialist or cut and paste from Sarah Palin’s Facebook page, we should pause just a minute and remember that this fight is not about politics. Its about doing what is right.
-Dave
And that may not be such a bad idiom to use. Massive throngs of people, many of them elderly, are converging on auditoriums all over the country to make sure their opinions about healthcare reform are heard. The Congressmen who are hosting many of these town hall meetings are being greeted with boos, screams, enraged accusations, and the deafening hum of oxygen machines. Many of these gatherings have been less than civil, with frequent outbursts of anger stinking of regurgitated talking points from Fox News anchors and republican officials. In weather parlance, its been a perfect storm of misinformation, senility, and anger.
So when I got an email notifying me about a local town hall meeting with Democratic Congressman David Price, I knew I had to go.
The meeting was held in the stuffy auditorium on NC-Central University’s campus- a historically black college that I am quite certain has never seen so many old and white people parading around. My brother and I arrived an hour early and got decent seats about 100 feet from the stage. We scanned the audience to find potential trouble makers- the moustached man a few rows back with a US Marine Corps hat and a hand-written sign that read “Liberty or Death”, the white-haired gentleman in the center section scratching out notes on the back of an envelope, the motorcycle couple up front with matching mullets and tightly-crossed arms.
Apparently, lots of people had seen the news reports. The auditorium quickly filled to capacity and beyond, with camera flashes and video camera lights blinking in almost every row. Local news outlets and reporters were on the scene, yearning for a chance to capture someone shouting “socialist” or accusing Rep. Price of wanting to kill old people. The anticipation of conflict was certainly palpable.
In those types of situations, I am always tempted to do something rediculous and completely out of left field. But I decided to let other people do that for me.
The emcee of the event began the evening by asking everyone to rise and recite the pledge of allegiance. We then observed a moment of silence for those who “were unable to join us tonight.” Im assuming that he wasn’t referring to the millions of other Americans who were probably watching reruns of CSI on their couch. Either way, it was a little strange to bang the drums of patriotism and recite oaths just to talk about healthcare. Once everyone felt happy and tingly on the inside, we started.
The first outburst came about 4 minutes in. One of the speakers on the panel was talking about the absurdity that Bernie Madoff will be receiving healthcare in his jail cell courtesy of the US government, but that almost 50 million hard working Americans do not have access to the same resources.
“I came here to talk to my congressmen, not to be lectured by some mo-ron!”
Ironically, the disgruntled shouter stormed out of the building, despite the fact that Rep. Price was twiddling his thumbs queued up to speak next.
There were several more outbursts and boos as the evening went on- mostly reacting to the possibility of elderly people being marched out of their retirement homes to face a government-sponsored firing squad. But many of them were hushed and suppressed by the eloquence of Mr. Price and the other speakers on the panel (no, not a death panel). The folks who lined up on the yelling side of the aisle were drowned out by the other participants who actually had things to say. I suppose its pretty easy to get riled up watching Sean Hannity or Glen Beck yak about healthcare on tv, but much harder to translate these unintelligible sentence fragments when faced with an intelligent opposition.
My favorite outburst came towards the end of the evening, when another man with a moustache got behind the microphone and said: “I have three daughters, and I just am worried about America. I don’t want them to be raised in...have to pay debt, because socialism.”
It sounded like a direct translation from a Japanese video game. What the hell does any of that mean? Nouns and verbs and adjectives don’t fit together that way. And certainly no sort of meaning could be derived from that rubbish. But the funny thing is that other people nodded. Other people seemed concerned by what was troubling this man, and his words made sense to them.
Rep. Price stared blankly for a minute and then answered tersely: “I think we have a problem with definitions here.”
And we do. We have a problem with definitions, with information, with scope, and with meaning. We have completely lost sight of what the healthcare discussion is about, how it got to where it is, and what needs to happen. We let people think for us and act on our behalf that have no business doing so. We all need to go to a town hall meeting and listen to the David Prices of the world and see if his points are really refutable. And when we feel tempted to accuse someone of being a socialist or cut and paste from Sarah Palin’s Facebook page, we should pause just a minute and remember that this fight is not about politics. Its about doing what is right.
-Dave
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Some Short of a Quandry
My friend and I have been debating something for quite some time...
Our exchanges always end up the same way- my friend calls me short. I respond by telling him that I am not short, but actually am the national average for height (which is true). His reply is always "yea, national average for female midgets"...
...I get what he's saying, but Im a little shaky on the correctness of it. I ask: are female midgets really shorter than male midgets? And is there really a recorded national average for female midgets?
-Dave
Our exchanges always end up the same way- my friend calls me short. I respond by telling him that I am not short, but actually am the national average for height (which is true). His reply is always "yea, national average for female midgets"...
...I get what he's saying, but Im a little shaky on the correctness of it. I ask: are female midgets really shorter than male midgets? And is there really a recorded national average for female midgets?
-Dave
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Hooray for Trees
Several weeks ago, my doorbell rang. At the door was a goofy, hand-waving young man carrying a clip board and wearing a stupid blue shirt with the words "Environment North Carolina". He asked me for my money.
The interaction certainly filled me with rage (he works for the organization that I just quit- see blog posts with keywords "canvassing", "terrible job", and "holy shit, I want to kick a baby"). But I was more amazed at how withdrawn I felt from the experience- even though he was doing exactly what I did just a few months earlier. It was almost as if my doorstep visitor was from another planet. And for a brief moment, I thought: how does someone even get into that line of work?
And then I remembered.
This week is the annual brainwashing week for all salaried employees of the non profit organization Environment America in Boston, Massachusetts. A week when young, malleable-minded individuals hop on planes, trains, and buses from all over the country and converge on the city where a bunch of rascals hurled some tea into the water several hundred years earlier.
There will be extensive "training"- roleplays followed by roleplays in subjects ranging from "how to map a legislator's sources of influence" to "how to conduct press calls before a news conference". There will be speakers- various state-level advocates, fellows who have lasted several years in the organization, and maybe even a low-level local politician desperate to harness the organization's canvassing arm for their benefit. Trainees will practice introducing themselves, shaking hands, and grinning like an idiot.
At night, there will be organized social events, so trainers can analyze conversations and character in a Sam Adams soaked environment. Watching to see where each of the new crop of employees will fit best.
And at the end of the week, returning employees will trudge back to their offices ready to endure another year of hellish mistreatment and soul-depleting heirarchy. And the new employees will get placed in various offices around the country, each swelling with idealism and eager to tackle the challenges that lie just beyond the reach of Environment America's organizational rigidity. And in two, six, or twelve months down the road, most of them will have been deflated like a balloon, either quitting or just going through the motions because they have no time or energy to break the mold.
Last year, more than 40 people headed to Boston in August. Only about 7 remain. The year before, a similar proportion lasted that long. And this year will probably be similar.
So its easy to see how someone could get sucked in and wind up on your doorstep begging for money. Its the feeling of worth you get training with an organization that aligns with your ideals (atleast on paper). Its the feeling of camaraderie from working with so many other people who are in the same boat at the same time. And it is the calm before the storm of a year otherwise spent in confusion, misery, and anger.
I hope some of them end up enjoying their job- they certainly will be the minority. And for the rest of them who are still trucking through, my hats off to ya.
-Dave
The interaction certainly filled me with rage (he works for the organization that I just quit- see blog posts with keywords "canvassing", "terrible job", and "holy shit, I want to kick a baby"). But I was more amazed at how withdrawn I felt from the experience- even though he was doing exactly what I did just a few months earlier. It was almost as if my doorstep visitor was from another planet. And for a brief moment, I thought: how does someone even get into that line of work?
And then I remembered.
This week is the annual brainwashing week for all salaried employees of the non profit organization Environment America in Boston, Massachusetts. A week when young, malleable-minded individuals hop on planes, trains, and buses from all over the country and converge on the city where a bunch of rascals hurled some tea into the water several hundred years earlier.
There will be extensive "training"- roleplays followed by roleplays in subjects ranging from "how to map a legislator's sources of influence" to "how to conduct press calls before a news conference". There will be speakers- various state-level advocates, fellows who have lasted several years in the organization, and maybe even a low-level local politician desperate to harness the organization's canvassing arm for their benefit. Trainees will practice introducing themselves, shaking hands, and grinning like an idiot.
At night, there will be organized social events, so trainers can analyze conversations and character in a Sam Adams soaked environment. Watching to see where each of the new crop of employees will fit best.
And at the end of the week, returning employees will trudge back to their offices ready to endure another year of hellish mistreatment and soul-depleting heirarchy. And the new employees will get placed in various offices around the country, each swelling with idealism and eager to tackle the challenges that lie just beyond the reach of Environment America's organizational rigidity. And in two, six, or twelve months down the road, most of them will have been deflated like a balloon, either quitting or just going through the motions because they have no time or energy to break the mold.
Last year, more than 40 people headed to Boston in August. Only about 7 remain. The year before, a similar proportion lasted that long. And this year will probably be similar.
So its easy to see how someone could get sucked in and wind up on your doorstep begging for money. Its the feeling of worth you get training with an organization that aligns with your ideals (atleast on paper). Its the feeling of camaraderie from working with so many other people who are in the same boat at the same time. And it is the calm before the storm of a year otherwise spent in confusion, misery, and anger.
I hope some of them end up enjoying their job- they certainly will be the minority. And for the rest of them who are still trucking through, my hats off to ya.
-Dave
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
"Yeah I'm not looking at your dick or anything."
Scene: Trivia Night. It's busy with the regulars and passersbys getting out of shows in the theater district and from a free musical at the common. We arrive early and the trivia guy is late. Robert almost doesn't get in and Pete shows up half way through the night for the first time in months. I walk towards the mens room and pass by a long line of ladies waiting to get into there bathroom. One of them grabs me "I'm going pee in there" While she points towards the mens room. There's no door to the restroom or stall at this joint so I tell her "Alright I'll watch out for you." She shakes her head no, "Fuck that we can pee at the same time get over there and piss."
I do as she says. The stall she's on is only 4' away and faces me. From the corner of my eye I see her pull down her panties and sit.
"Shit I don't think I can pee with you, oh wait... nope, there's pee comin' out of my vagina."
"Good, I'm glad" I respond, "there's pee comin' outa my dick."
"Yeah I'm not looking at your dick or anything."
"I'm not looking at you either miss." She stand and squirms back into her panties, I zip and turn to wash my hand.
"Shit if your washing your hands I guess I should too" she laughs.
We each knock out a squirt of foaming soap and scrub our hands.
"Yeah that was great, no biggie, just peeing, that was fun. Shit yeah I'm from Lebanon why would I care, I'm fucking Lebanese that was no big deal to me".
"Your from Lebanon?"
"You callin' me a liar!?"
"No I was just confirming that I'd heard you correctly" I respond.
She puts her arm around me and her lips close to my ears, "Come find me later and I'll buy you a drink". Interesting.
I return to our table and put my arm around Robert and Pete and retell the story, they laugh and I point her out towards the front of the bar, we laugh again. Did I mention she was an older woman and I was wearing a T-shirt that read, "I 'heart' hot moms"? Seriously.
The game turns around for us, we're in third and rollin' strong. Everyone is contributing and having a blast, it's been a good night win or loose. In the end we take third -our highest placing sense Pete's team took second back in March.
The team encourages me to redeem my drink. So I walk towards her and she's talkin' to a large bald guy. I lean in "You owe me a drink."
"What why?"
"I was in the bathroom and we peed together and you offered me a drink if I found you later."
"Oh shit, that's right, you're right, hey Tim, TIM where's my purse this guy was a gentlemen in the bathroom and I owe him a drink."
I pause, waiting for his massive fist to pummel me into the ground. At this point I think to myself 'That's why you offered?' I was a gentlemen? That was hardly the case.
He asks me "whatcha' drinkin'?" and I respond Bru, I'll take a Brubaker" and he shrugs his shoulders and walks off. She turns too me, "You're sweet, hey do you want to smoke some pot?"
"Hmm it's been a while I dunno."
"It's no big deal Tim'll smoke you out. Is there an alley near bye? Here hand my purse again." Tim returns with the beers and we clink glasses. She leans over to him, "Here take the joint and smoke 'em out he's a nice guy, he hasn't smoked in a while though so watch out for him". He shrugs, looks at me and nods his head towards the door. I fallow.
"Hey what's your name?" I ask.
"Tim".
"Nice to meat you I'm Robert. Thanks for the smoke".
We exchange pleasantries and walk to the alley. He lights up and says "Hey take a big hit like your not afraid to suck a cock."
I take the quickest hit ever and give it right back.
He chuckles and says "I knew it."
I take another hit and this time I really huff and puff. For some reason I can't get myself to stop talking in a drunken' vaguely east coast accent and I'm ready to get punched again. But for a second time Tim restrains himself. We start walking back towards the restaurant and talking about marijuana law. About 5' from the door he says "No look we were never in any danger" and he flips open a wallet out away from his body and flashes me his police badge.
I gulp.
He says have a good night and we both go our separate way in the bar. I walk towards the group -high as a kite in heaven. They ask me if I wanna go get pizza next door with our winnings -perfect timing.
-Raw
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Politics and Concrete Don't Mix
I don't talk about politics at work. For the summer, I am holding down a temporary gig as a office assistant at a local law firm (atleast that is what i put on my resume- "office assistant" seems a little glorious for the work that I am doing). The firm specializes in construction law. We handle disputes between various contractors, developers, subcontractors, and pretty much everyone in North Carolina named Billy, Clint, Buddy, and Jimmy.
So talking about politics doesn't make much sense here. Folks at this firm are generally in a different tax bracket than me, and their wealth is directly tied to development; the more that people build, the more disputes arise, and the more work the firm has. I always learned that development was something with which to proceed cautiously- because of its toll on water resources, quality of life, environmental concerns, and traffic. These people build mini malls, apartment complexes, highway extensions and parking lots like they were made of legos. So we're not all on the same page.
Yesterday, for the first time, I got a glimpse of what I had suspected was hidden beneath the dirt-caked surface. I was speaking with one of the secretaries about a recent disappointment regarding her old DUI arrest. A year had passed since she swerved through town in her old green pickup truck, and she expected to have her car's breathalyzer machine removed (For those of you unaware, this is a machine that you have to breathe sober breath into to be able to start your car- they pretty much come standard with all cars sold in NC). Of course, due to some discrepancy between the DMV and the company that manufactures the breathalyzer (and is the only one capable of removing it), she will have to keep the machine on an extra two months.
I made some comment about the how annoying the politics of this can be- partly because it is true and partly because I didn't want to say "well, you probably should have thought of this before you drank and drove". She replied: "Yea. The government always does this."
"But, like my husband says, its not as bad as them takin' over healthcare. I'd go into the doctor with a note to get a wart removed off my neck and they'd cut off my toe!"
...Took me a second to even realize what she was getting at. [Really? You would go into the doctors office with a note to remove a wart from your neck? You have warts on your neck?] But after it hit me, I realized she was coughing up the same talking points that you might hear on Limbaugh, Fox, or the right side of the aisle in Washington: Any government intervention in healthcare will make doctors retarded. And you will lose a toe.
What kind of nonsense is that? There are so many questions to ask someone who actually believes that. Forget political affiliations and educational background- we are talking about basic competence. Certainly, the healthcare issue in insanely complex. But there is a point at which verbal clutter like that does nothing to advance the discussion and reflects a dangerously low level of understanding. I wont try to tackle the healthcare issue here, but maybe a brief overview is in order...
We are sick. We are fat. We are getting sicker and fatter. We spend a lot of money on healthcare and don't get a lot out of it. Some people don't get anything out of it. We need to make sure everyone has access to healthcare, and that we can pay for it. Doctors and hospitals need a lot of money. The government should probably provide some funding. Don't worry, they already do. They offer Medicare and Medicaid- and those are two of the highest-rated healthcare programs we have. But Barack Obama doesn't want to be your doctor. He doesn't even want to choose your doctor for you- that's what insurance companies have been doing. We have to make sure that doctors can see more patients- and that more patients can see doctors. To pay for this, we need less waste in the system. And that means changing a few things. But it doesn't mean losing coverage or access to your doctor. And it certainly doesn't mean losing quality of care.
...Obviously, there is a lot more to it than that. But regardless of how you cut it, what we have isn't working. And what we are saying about what we have and what we need really isn't working. Whatever "news" programs and email alerts have been trumpeting the message of a socialist, pro-toe removal government that wants to takeover healthcare needs to stop. They are probably not being written by the 47 million Americans that are worse off than the rest of us. Or by the Americans who are actually making suggestions and bringing substance to the discussion. So as our country trudges through this one, let's atleast speak about these things intelligently.
I don't talk about politics at work.
-Dave
So talking about politics doesn't make much sense here. Folks at this firm are generally in a different tax bracket than me, and their wealth is directly tied to development; the more that people build, the more disputes arise, and the more work the firm has. I always learned that development was something with which to proceed cautiously- because of its toll on water resources, quality of life, environmental concerns, and traffic. These people build mini malls, apartment complexes, highway extensions and parking lots like they were made of legos. So we're not all on the same page.
Yesterday, for the first time, I got a glimpse of what I had suspected was hidden beneath the dirt-caked surface. I was speaking with one of the secretaries about a recent disappointment regarding her old DUI arrest. A year had passed since she swerved through town in her old green pickup truck, and she expected to have her car's breathalyzer machine removed (For those of you unaware, this is a machine that you have to breathe sober breath into to be able to start your car- they pretty much come standard with all cars sold in NC). Of course, due to some discrepancy between the DMV and the company that manufactures the breathalyzer (and is the only one capable of removing it), she will have to keep the machine on an extra two months.
I made some comment about the how annoying the politics of this can be- partly because it is true and partly because I didn't want to say "well, you probably should have thought of this before you drank and drove". She replied: "Yea. The government always does this."
"But, like my husband says, its not as bad as them takin' over healthcare. I'd go into the doctor with a note to get a wart removed off my neck and they'd cut off my toe!"
...Took me a second to even realize what she was getting at. [Really? You would go into the doctors office with a note to remove a wart from your neck? You have warts on your neck?] But after it hit me, I realized she was coughing up the same talking points that you might hear on Limbaugh, Fox, or the right side of the aisle in Washington: Any government intervention in healthcare will make doctors retarded. And you will lose a toe.
What kind of nonsense is that? There are so many questions to ask someone who actually believes that. Forget political affiliations and educational background- we are talking about basic competence. Certainly, the healthcare issue in insanely complex. But there is a point at which verbal clutter like that does nothing to advance the discussion and reflects a dangerously low level of understanding. I wont try to tackle the healthcare issue here, but maybe a brief overview is in order...
We are sick. We are fat. We are getting sicker and fatter. We spend a lot of money on healthcare and don't get a lot out of it. Some people don't get anything out of it. We need to make sure everyone has access to healthcare, and that we can pay for it. Doctors and hospitals need a lot of money. The government should probably provide some funding. Don't worry, they already do. They offer Medicare and Medicaid- and those are two of the highest-rated healthcare programs we have. But Barack Obama doesn't want to be your doctor. He doesn't even want to choose your doctor for you- that's what insurance companies have been doing. We have to make sure that doctors can see more patients- and that more patients can see doctors. To pay for this, we need less waste in the system. And that means changing a few things. But it doesn't mean losing coverage or access to your doctor. And it certainly doesn't mean losing quality of care.
...Obviously, there is a lot more to it than that. But regardless of how you cut it, what we have isn't working. And what we are saying about what we have and what we need really isn't working. Whatever "news" programs and email alerts have been trumpeting the message of a socialist, pro-toe removal government that wants to takeover healthcare needs to stop. They are probably not being written by the 47 million Americans that are worse off than the rest of us. Or by the Americans who are actually making suggestions and bringing substance to the discussion. So as our country trudges through this one, let's atleast speak about these things intelligently.
I don't talk about politics at work.
-Dave
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Dear President Obama... (I actually sent this)
July 28th, 2009
President Barack Obama
1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW
Washington, DC 20500
Dear President Obama,
I hope you are doing well. Its hard to believe its been nearly nine months since you were elected! I can remember my excitement that night last November watching your acceptance speech from a restaurant in Boulder, Colorado- a testament to the power of passion and perseverance.
In fact, I spent quite a bit of time working to bring your dream to life. During the three months leading up to the election, I traveled to swing states around the country carrying your message of hope and promise to voters. In Iowa, I registered college students to vote. In Ohio, I organized meetings and events to get young people out to the polls. And in New Hampshire and Colorado, I knocked on doors and called voters to make sure they were ready to check the box next to your name. I voted absentee in North Carolina and called every friend I had in Wisconsin, Minnesota, Florida, and Virginia.
Those were three of the most challenging months of my life. In Iowa City, I slept on the floor in an apartment building that had been vacated after significant flood damage. In Columbus, I stayed in an apartment that permanently reeked of rotten squid after a prolonged power outage thawed the contents of the abandoned freezer. And in Concord, I was sandwiched in to a three-bedroom apartment with 11 other people. I drank more cups of coffee than I can remember, and slept fewer hours than ever before. But those months were also the most exciting that I can remember, and I was lucky to have taken part in such a historical event.
In the time since the election and inauguration, I have been struggling to find a job. The current economic situation has proven difficult and many would-be employers are barely able to stay afloat. I have applied to jobs with private companies, non profits, and government agencies (boy the USAJobs website has some difficult applications!). Most organizations, if they have responded to my cover letters and resumes at all, have replied with a “no”. I suspect that the few companies that are hiring are getting tired of seeing my experiences summarized in 10.5 font on a single page.
As my anxiety over employment has grown, so too has my desire to overcome the challenges that currently face this nation. I have a Bachelors of Science degree in Human Geography from the University of Wisconsin-Madison and a keen interest in environmental policy. I am eager to do whatever it takes to help you make good on the promises you laid out during your campaign. I am writing to see if you are able to help me out- with a job, a letter of recommendation, or even a well-placed phone call on my behalf. I understand that you are busy, but I would be extremely grateful for any help you can provide. Thank you for your time, and I wish you continued success navigating through these difficult times.
Your friend,
David K. Christopher
President Barack Obama
1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW
Washington, DC 20500
Dear President Obama,
I hope you are doing well. Its hard to believe its been nearly nine months since you were elected! I can remember my excitement that night last November watching your acceptance speech from a restaurant in Boulder, Colorado- a testament to the power of passion and perseverance.
In fact, I spent quite a bit of time working to bring your dream to life. During the three months leading up to the election, I traveled to swing states around the country carrying your message of hope and promise to voters. In Iowa, I registered college students to vote. In Ohio, I organized meetings and events to get young people out to the polls. And in New Hampshire and Colorado, I knocked on doors and called voters to make sure they were ready to check the box next to your name. I voted absentee in North Carolina and called every friend I had in Wisconsin, Minnesota, Florida, and Virginia.
Those were three of the most challenging months of my life. In Iowa City, I slept on the floor in an apartment building that had been vacated after significant flood damage. In Columbus, I stayed in an apartment that permanently reeked of rotten squid after a prolonged power outage thawed the contents of the abandoned freezer. And in Concord, I was sandwiched in to a three-bedroom apartment with 11 other people. I drank more cups of coffee than I can remember, and slept fewer hours than ever before. But those months were also the most exciting that I can remember, and I was lucky to have taken part in such a historical event.
In the time since the election and inauguration, I have been struggling to find a job. The current economic situation has proven difficult and many would-be employers are barely able to stay afloat. I have applied to jobs with private companies, non profits, and government agencies (boy the USAJobs website has some difficult applications!). Most organizations, if they have responded to my cover letters and resumes at all, have replied with a “no”. I suspect that the few companies that are hiring are getting tired of seeing my experiences summarized in 10.5 font on a single page.
As my anxiety over employment has grown, so too has my desire to overcome the challenges that currently face this nation. I have a Bachelors of Science degree in Human Geography from the University of Wisconsin-Madison and a keen interest in environmental policy. I am eager to do whatever it takes to help you make good on the promises you laid out during your campaign. I am writing to see if you are able to help me out- with a job, a letter of recommendation, or even a well-placed phone call on my behalf. I understand that you are busy, but I would be extremely grateful for any help you can provide. Thank you for your time, and I wish you continued success navigating through these difficult times.
Your friend,
David K. Christopher
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Is that the Breast you can do?
A funny headline caught my eye the other day: "Playboy bunnies hop on horse issue" (Politico 7/26). I had to read it several times to make sure that I had it down correctly (cut off the last word and you really have a good story!).
Sure enough, the Barbi Twins of centerfold fame have been advocating for the "Restore our American Mustangs Act," which passed through the House of Representatives recently. The act allocates stronger regulations and more land to protect wild horses in the American West. And while there are certainly more pressing issues facing our country, this is a good thing.
The oppositions to the bill were not particularly stunning, nor was the commentary in support of it. But I was a little amazed at the framing of the article.
Does it really matter that Playboy bunnies were in support of this? Does it even matter that Playboy bunnies hold any viewpoints at all?
Do you think that you might have seen the article "Billy Thomas of Davenport, Iowa hops on horse issue"? Or "Jane Doe of Sioux Falls, South Dakota hops on horse issue"? Of course not. So why are these nude models dignified in the "Top Stories" section of Politico? It seems that revealing your breasts is your ticket to both being seen and being heard. And I can't think of too many things I would less rather put a microphone in front of.
In Politico's frame, this is only a story because of the Playboy bunnies. And that is frustrating, disappointing, stupid, and remarkably inconsequential. From now on, if I see "Playboy Bunnies" in the title, it better look something like this:
"Playboy Bunnies negotiate peace deal between Israel and Palestine"
"Playboy Bunnies develop carbon-neutral fuel source available immediately"
"Playboy Bunnies thwart hostile takeover of African village"
and, of course...
"Playboy Bunnies hop on horse"
-Dave
Sure enough, the Barbi Twins of centerfold fame have been advocating for the "Restore our American Mustangs Act," which passed through the House of Representatives recently. The act allocates stronger regulations and more land to protect wild horses in the American West. And while there are certainly more pressing issues facing our country, this is a good thing.
The oppositions to the bill were not particularly stunning, nor was the commentary in support of it. But I was a little amazed at the framing of the article.
Does it really matter that Playboy bunnies were in support of this? Does it even matter that Playboy bunnies hold any viewpoints at all?
Do you think that you might have seen the article "Billy Thomas of Davenport, Iowa hops on horse issue"? Or "Jane Doe of Sioux Falls, South Dakota hops on horse issue"? Of course not. So why are these nude models dignified in the "Top Stories" section of Politico? It seems that revealing your breasts is your ticket to both being seen and being heard. And I can't think of too many things I would less rather put a microphone in front of.
In Politico's frame, this is only a story because of the Playboy bunnies. And that is frustrating, disappointing, stupid, and remarkably inconsequential. From now on, if I see "Playboy Bunnies" in the title, it better look something like this:
"Playboy Bunnies negotiate peace deal between Israel and Palestine"
"Playboy Bunnies develop carbon-neutral fuel source available immediately"
"Playboy Bunnies thwart hostile takeover of African village"
and, of course...
"Playboy Bunnies hop on horse"
-Dave
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