Boiled and Soiled

Decency is the most awkward of all character traits. Its not because being decent makes one stutter, sweat, and slip up (though it very often does). Its because no one is naturally decent- its a learned behavior. And learning anything is remarkably awkward...

As an example, lets look at babies. They spit, drool, dump, spew, and leak like a broken septic system. We cope with this by wrapping them in disposable underwear and following them around with towels and moist wipes (granted, some parents take the easy way out and put them up for adoption). Yet no one would ever call a baby "indecent". Their inability to control bodily function is based on the fact that they haven't been around long enough to pick up on the proper way to dispose of pee pee and poo poo.

... But decency really is awkward. If you don't believe me, you should try standing in a room full of people you don't like. I do this on a daily basis. Your gut instinct will tell you to throw things, scream, cry, and go bananas. You may even feel dangerously close to reliving your days as an infant and losing control of your bowels. But more often than not, your sense for what is socially acceptable kicks in and you find yourself flexing your sphincter muscle and staying level-headed. You counteract your gut feeling by displaying a smile and laughing politely at stupid jokes that people around you make. And to a certain point, this is tolerable.

But if the room is small enough, and the people you dislike are plenty, you will have to suppress you inner urges even more. You force out a smile, but its just too difficult to engage those around you on any substantive level. You are a pressure cooker waiting to explode. And this is just awkward.

It would be much easier to be natural and indecent. Of course, you don't exactly escape awkwardness by informing the douchebag near you that his antics just caused you to soil yourself. But you would atleast be in your element (and covered with your element).

And, hey, I can deal with that.

-Dave