Luke-warm Wisdom

On a recent journey through the web looking for interesting sites, I came across a blogger who posted "88 Important Truths I've Learned About Life" (from the site Raptitude.com, whose tagline is "Getting Better at Being Human"). While I adore the internet for its many hidden wonders, I do not enjoy the musings of retards with keyboards (irony noted and immediately dispelled: I am always right). I have decided to post responses to several of these lessons. Let this be a warning to anyone else who wants to fill the airwaves with useless, fluffy shit.

1. You can't change other people, and it's rude to try.
Incorrect. People are as malleable as playdough, and changing them is easy and commonplace. Beyond literally changing babies (which, I'm told, are mini-people) and drawing on someone's face when they fall asleep to change their appearance, there are many ways that people can be changed "on the inside". Try telling someone that you admire their fat rolls (especially if they don't really have any) and see if they start acting differently.

8. If everyone in the show you’re watching is good-looking, it’s not worth watching.
Has this person seen Baywatch? Or Desperate Housewives? Not to mention that its pretty ironic for someone this preachy and self-important to discuss TV shows as his #8 important truth about life. Attractive actors is the third most important factor about a show's quality (behind drug references and cursing).

11. Every problem you have is your responsibility, regardless of who caused it.
No way. Most problems are Jack Bauer's responsibility.

16. Cynicism is far too easy to be useful.
Really? I am finding quite a bit of use for mine.

25. Putting something off makes it instantly harder and scarier.
I disagree. Putting something off makes it harder and scarier later on

32. The greatest innovation in the history of humankind is language.
Language is pretty important. It has led to even more important inventions like sarcasm, curse words, and those plastic singing fish that you mount on your wall. But there have been lots of other important innovations that have improved the human condition immensely: string cheese, jean shorts, spiders, and rockets, to name a few. I don't think language can top those.

68. It is worth re-trying foods that you didn’t like at first.
By this logic, the second and third seasons of Fear Factor should have been a success.

76. Sometimes you have to remove certain people from your life, even if they’re family.
I'm not sure this tactic worked too well for O.J.'s image. But I suppose it was his methods that got him into trouble. This tidbit of advice would be infinitely more helpful if the author discussed the proper ways to remove people from your life.

77. Anyone can be calmed in an instant by looking at the ocean or the stars.
But not at the sun. Which is a star. So, no. Looking at certain stars is extremely unnerving.

... There are many others, but my head is starting to spin.

-Dave