Fashion Ad-visor

The world of fashion, while not very interesting, is always changing. Bell-bottoms, jean shorts, and short ties have come and gone, taking their rightful place at the bottom of history's cedar chest.

Much of this change is probably driven by the Abercrombie & Fitches of the world, who get movie stars and pop singers to wear their clothing, thereby inspiring millions of impressionable teens to spend a fortune on the latest clothing lines. This is a very shameful aspect of our national culture- not because it is hard (and expensive) to keep up with the world of fashion, but because we continue to define ourselves by what we buy and wear.

Exhibit A:



Man in suit: looks important



Man in rag tag: looks unimportant











Of course, for all of these frustrations there are a few upsides. Many clothing items are quickly whisked away from the national scene, barely leaving a mark. Since most of what is produced today is crap, this is nice.

But this fast-paced, ever-changing sphere has left an item in the dust. And I desperately want it to come back and take it away.

I am speaking of visors...

... Visors are worn by only two types of people: old people (mostly golfers) and southern frat boys (and the occasional hybrid). Both of these demographics are irritating, and I am getting tired of seeing the uniform of senility and douchebaggery everywhere I go.

But visors are persistent. They have the sun-blocking capabilities of a baseball cap without messing up your $55 hairdo. And for an accessory to appeal to both sides of the fashion spectrum (old people, whose disconnect from the world around them ensures that they only care about function; and frat boys, who desperately try to look cool no matter how inconvenient or ridiculous), it certainly is versatile.

Unfortunately visors are also really annoying. I'm quite sure that most car accidents happen when people are wearing visors (and driving 15 mph under the speed limit). I'm also sure that most date rapes are committed by visor-toting individuals.

I think the need to abolish the visor speaks for itself (because its proponents would most likely repeat themselves incessantly or say "duuuuddee" a lot).

-Dave