Strike One

It is funny watching someone do something that they suck at.

In the world of baseball's ceremonial first pitches, this happens a lot. Americans have witnessed countless famous people step up to the mound and disappoint the entire nation with a pathetic effort to hurl a 5-ounce ball 60 feet to the plate. We have repeatedly been willing to couch our expectations and applaud their efforts, trying desperately to picture the hurler as the star we once knew and not the pathetic sack of bones on the TV screen before us. We are tremendously gracious.

But, just as there are some drawings that a young child brings home that simply do not belong on the fridge, there have been many ceremonial first pitches that test the limits of our graciousness and tolerance:

• Mariah Carey: The ball barely cleared her toes before falling to the ground about 55 feet shy of home plate in her 2008 toss in San Fransisco.
• Mark Mallory: For his 2007 home-opener for the Reds, the mayor of Cincinnati threw the ball into Cleveland
• Adam Carolla: I'm not sure he could hit water from a boat. Also, the Man Show sucked.
• Dick Cheney: For his ceremonial first pitch, Mr. Cheney came up a little short. He should probably stick to hunting.

...Of course, tonight could change everything. President Obama will be tossing out the first pitch at the 2009 All Star Game from St. Louis. Mr. Obama, a long time White Sox fan and a talented athlete, has again elevated expectations that honor may be restored to the ceremony of a first pitch.

And, providing that the President throws the ball in the general direction of home plate, you can expect the Washington Nationals to extend a contract offer to the hometown lefty. Their team ERA is currently right up there with Obama's approval ratings...

-Dave