No shirt, no shoes, no service

Awkward moments make people slur their words, feel dizzy, and get sick to their stomachs. Apparently, so does Vodka...

I was summoned to the living room at roughly 6am this past Saturday to find Raw in a pseudo-conscious stupor. Of course, this wouldn't be entirely abnormal, were it not for the fact that he was covered in a sticky layer of his own vomit. His head was bowed as if almost in prayer, and a long string of drool connected his chin to his knee.

Four hours earlier, Raw had taken the initiative to pour a tall glass of Vodka and drink it in one gulp (yes, initiative- no one else was going to do it). It comes as no surprise that this glass was not the first time Raw and alcohol had interacted that evening. To those who witnessed it, it would have seemed more like the grand finale. But, always the showman, Raw decided to wait a few hours for that...

"Raw, you okay there bud?"

No answer.

"C'mon Raw, lets clean this stuff up."

[Long pause]

"O...k"

... I find it pretty hilarious that the awkwardness of the evening actually fell into my lap. Witnessing a friend in a state of need, I was compelled to help in any way that I could. In this case, it was to clean up puke- and help Raw strip.

His shirt was fairly easy to get off, and Raw seemed more than happy to part with it. I tossed it across the room with the dirty towels. Then came the pants. I asked him to take them off. His hands moved to his belt, and he began to fiddle with it. But the Vodka had significantly impaired his motor skills (you might as well have asked him to solve a rubix cube). So it was my turn.

I leaned down and reached for his belt line. At first, I felt like a kid slow dancing at prom, trying to make sure that our heads didn't awkwardly bump as we got closer. But then I realized I was trying to take off his pants, and I didn't feel quite as awkward about the head thing. Sure enough, after some coaching, loosening, and pulling, I managed to remove Raw's pants and toss them with the shirt and towels in the corner.

Throughout the entire de-pantsing, Raw giggled like a girl scout.

As easy as it seems to poke fun at him for the whole incident (and believe me, I have), it is evident to me that I was the one who cleaned up his puke, took off his pants, and whispered words of encouragement throughout the whole ordeal. Sure, he didn't exactly hold on to his dignity (or his dinner), but he wasn't the one playing daddy.

You gotta hand it to Raw, he could have filled a swimming pool with that stuff. I'm pretty glad he didn't, but there's a spot on the couch that will always remind me that I was the awkward one.

-Dave