Nights out are great. People drinkin' and eatin' and laughin' and talkin' and carrying on an' shit. Every once in a while though a night comes along unexpectedly and turns into a royal shit show. Last night was one of those nights. It started off subtle, then it was blatant.... then it was just over the fuckin' top son, Over the fuckin' top.
I got out from work around 11 and headed to a bar a few blocks away to meet up with some friends who had just gotten in to town. I was nervous though because many people that I used to work with were there and there were more than a few I was trying to avoid. Luckily no one I was avoiding was there and my buddy Amy proceeded to buy me a drink and a shot. So far so good. The night continued and my buddy Walter and I proceeded to order a shot of well whiskey, the well turned out to be Jack and Walter turned to caution me "Jack is my kryptonite dude, just warning ya."
After the shot we headed outside for a smoke and were joined by Amy after being scolded by Rebecca for partaking in such a dirty habit. About 28.5 seconds after we stepped out side Walter spoke, "Damn, I feel like I'm gunna blow..." too late, he'd ralphed on the sidewalk not 5 ft from a garbage can. The bouncer then stepped around the corner and told him "You might as well start walking now cuz your not coming back in." Damn, booted.
Walter and I then left Amy and Rebecca and headed over to the TAM, where they had all started their night and we ordered some Brubakers and a couple of shots of tequila, "see I'm fine with tequila I just can't do Jack man."
"I know buddy, I know"
The ladies then came strolling in and joined us as we talked about the novel Walter is working on. We downed some more tequila and put on our coats to leave before the T stopped running. Walter and I exited first to have a cig as we walked. As Walter stepped through the threshold a very haggard looking lady shoulder shoved him, then she took a step back, and shoulder shoved him two more times.
It was really odd, I immediately knew I'd be posting about that moment and made a comment about it to Walter as he gave me a dumbfounded look. He then looked at me and said "That bitch was crazy!" and when I looked behind us, she was back and standing right behind him. She came at us with a crazy look in her eye but she didn't go towards Walter she came at me... and my cigarette. "Give your cigarette man!" she exhaled. Now I usually always bum out cigs but this lady had just shoved my buddy for no reason... three times! So I said "Fuck no I'm not giving you a cigarette!" and she immediately wrapped both of her arms around mine and pretended to eat my arm like it was a corn on the cob. I looked up at Walter because I didn't know what in the FUCK to do and he just stared, half laughing at me and said "Dude you got aids now."
I wasn't amused yet because just then the ol' witch wrapped her knees around me and started to hump me like a rabid chihuahua and continued to beg me "Come on man give me a cigarette and I'll give you a lil' somethin' somethin'" Why do I only ever get propositioned by crazy toothless women? I then proceeded to peel the lady off of me while trying not to break or let her get her hands on my cigarette. It took a good half a minute to do so too! She was fuckin' desperate.
Our lady friends eventually came out and we continued to walk along Tremont street as I told them the story of the crazy arm eating hip humping cigarette fiend. As we waited for the T I noticed Rebecca was a little red, we had definitely had our fare share of drinks. We boarded the train, it was only quarter full but we stood and joked as it pulled out of the station.
Now this part of the story is kind of a blur but I'm going to do my best to retell it. Somehow we were betting each other over who could stand with out moving there feet or touching anything to prop you self up with. After establishing the rules we were a go! Walter and I were first to loose our balance as the train turned, fallowed shortly by Rebecca. Amy had won but Becca wasn't having it, she wanted to go again. Becca quickly tried to sabotage Amy by pushing her and this went back and forth until, before we knew it, they were in a full scale wrestling match on the floor of the train as people gawked at our immaturity. At the next stop the train emptied completely -except for one guy who was trapped in by Amy and Rebecca.
I could not believe what I was seeing! Two grown women were trying to pin each other at half past midnight on Bostons public transportation system... and we have the video to prove it!
Notice how Rebecca is loosing until she manages to put Amy in a scissor lock and flip her over! Smoothe moves!
As Walter filmed the shenanigans the trapped guy pulled out his cell phone and started documenting the spectacle as well. Soon the we pulled into Davis square and the train doors opened, I quickly scribbled down my email on a piece of paper and told the trapped guy to send me anything he'd gotten.
The next day I got two pictures sent to my email, you came through bro! Thanks!
When we got home they started up again. I think one of them cunt-punched the other at some point. It was quite ridiculous, but very very entertaining! I wish you could have been here to see it Dave! Come back soon the AwkWord needs you!
-Raw
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment
Your thoughts?